the uninvited (the e.e.cummings post)

I dont know if i’m being too shallow, maybe it shouldnt be a big deal. but i kind of felt hurt when it happened. i’m not talking about losing it you dirty minded bitches…you know who you people are. tee hee! anyway, as i was saying… well, about a week ago i found out that a friend of mine had a celebration for her birthday party and..obviously, since i just found out about it – yes, i wasnt invited to that party!

quite an insult on my part because we never fought or disagreed or anything prior to her birthday. well, we never fought or disagreed, ever! and she knew i was one of the very first to greet her. not that i was expecting anything. but, you see, i just wish i never found out about that damn party because now i feel like, asking her “am i really that special to you?” “can you define friend to me?” i knew several of the people who were in the party. and looking at the photos, i’m like, why wasnt i in there? and some folks in there were not really her close friends you know?

when you’re offended, and hurt and disappointed, things you never wanted to entertain just come crashing in. like alcohol being poured into your wound. it stings like hell.

it’s quite shallow i know. making a big deal out of not being invited to a party. i mean, think of a person who was there cheering you on when you felt so discouraged? that one person who truly believed in you. that creature who never fails to make you feel good about yourself, who showered you with encouragement, simply because she sees something special in you. gosh, yes i am like, bitch, i’m such a bitch, a pathetic one at that recalling all these things, the kind of friend i am to her..sourgraping all because i wasnt invited to the party. urgh.

but i was really quite hurt. it kind of lowered my self-worth a notch. and yes, i made me doubt if she really ever copnsidered me as a friend. all because of that. fucking pathetic.

its not like i cried about it or anything. i never did. i nwas just hurt. period. a little mad. very disappointed. it felt crappy, it still does whenever i remember it.

and because remembering it makes me feel crappy, i am not going to show myself to that event, which she already informed me about, next week. i dont bthink it will make that much of a difference anyway. she missed having me at her birthday celebration, rememeber? crap, there it goes again. if ever she asks why i wont make it, i have a ready answer “i’m watching Rockstar Supernova’s elimination night. i cant afford to miss it.”

but will she ever? i doubt it. man, how pathetic is this post?