The One About that Person Who Kind of Got Close Enough :/

The first time i ever saw him was in 2005, on a Monday night. I thought he was very striking. He seemed a bit shy, although i saw him sharing an animated conversation with his friends. And since then, i would think about him when i think about the words crush, fascination and curiosity. I guess he was and still is, a recurring object of those three.

I cant even remember if we were ever introduced, although we have a common friend. I was introduced to the other people he “worked” with that night. I guess, because we would always see each other in events, and knowing we have this common friend, he knows me. He knows my face. Maybe my name too. But we have never ever said a word to each other, yet. I haven’t even really heard his voice. I have watched him from a distance, everytime.

In all those occasions that i would see him, i would always acquire a new friend. I would always be talking to new people – i am not exactly the shy type, you know. There’s always a new contact in my phone book, but i would always go home each night (or early morning) wondering what it would be like if i talked to him.

That’s so unlike me, being that chicken to talk to a guy. Having been used to always make it a point to let someone i like know how cool, cute, special he is. How he super effin rocks. Since senior high, all my crushes know i like them. I’m not really after anything, but that liberating feeling that he knows. To hell with social norms or how he reacts, he just have to know.

So how come, that, it’s been almost several months since and he still doesn’t know?

Because i have never said one word to him. Never got that near, never knew what cologne he wears or what shampoo he uses…not that they’re important, but weird me, I’m just interested in minor things like that. ;p I only knew he has a nice smile, pretty eyes, and he’s good at what he does. And all those stuff he wrote on his Friendster profile. And he likes cold beer. And he has nice hair too.

And he also seems to like, pretty girls. (okay, waht guy doesn’t?) Uhmm, okay, maybe thats why i haven’t said a word to him yet. Or he hasn’t said a word to me… Hee, whatever.

I cant believe i just said that. Anyway… it’s been several months since i saw him last, and whenever i think of someone i would love to maybe give more of my attention to, i think about him. I would love to get to know him more… i do not know enough, just the basics. But i would love to know if he likes chili in his sisig, if he eats balut or isaw, if he finds something special about riding the MRT or LRT, if he likes walking, or road trips, if he likes the Space Shuttle, or ice cream cake. I wonder if he likes talking? or corny jokes? Or Jack Black movies? I already know he loves rock music. And at the moment, that’s the only thing we have in common aside from the common friend.

I have just recently been open about this…i thought i’d keep this thing as a secret. If that common friend reads this entry, she might have an idea. I don’t really mind now. But i hope he, as in you know, him – reads this too.

When i would see him before, i would really, you know, check him out. I would like, watch him do his thing. I think he caught me looking a couple of times, and i think i tried to smile then looked away, so i never knew how he reacted. And i don’t know if i just imagined it but a couple of times, i saw him looking my way. I don’t know. Maybe i am just trying to sort of console myself with that fact, because many times i think this is quite pathetic. So juvenile.

Still, it’s better than being crazy and blind and stupid about an asshole boyfriend.

Next time i see him, i resolve to say something. What will i say to him? Hey, Hi, Hello, What’s up? Maybe stand close enough and ask what cologne or shampoo he’s using? If he likes the Space shuttle?

Whatever… i don’t even know, not so sure when it will be. But promise, next time i see you, mister, be ready. Because I’m going to say something and you’ll either be blown away or think how this world, is indeed, full of crazy people. And the craziest of the lot just said something to you.