Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering (On Julia Campbell)

i have been reading Julia Campbell’s blog lately, and looking at Flickr photos – and i found myself at times laughing, at times teary eyed, awed and amazed, happy, sad and deeply moved by her accounts of her life here in the Philippines for the past two years. Here is a beautiful, kind, passionate soul whose touched so many lives in ways not most of us Filipinos could do, especially to our own country and fellow citizens. She truly loved the Philippines, being here, serving – more than probably most of us ever can, and will.

It is really sad that we only got to know her when news of her diappearnce, and death filled the headlines. Hers is a life worth emulating, her love for what she does truly inspiring, and her patriotism, for a country she only has lived in for the past couple of years, should serve as a huge wakeup call for most of us who are just about to give up on this country.

You may read her blog here:

http://juliainthephilippines.blogspot.com/

and view the photos here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30079973@N00/

I’m just glad she left pieces of herself in cyberspace, that will serve as something for everyone to turn to, for inspiration, and maybe, even hope.

Fly and smile with the angels, Julia.

And you’ll begin to wonder why you came…

Meanwhile, I still find it difficult sometimes to distinguish whether one is being a friend or not. I mean, who among those people in my circle really considers me as a friend rather than lets, say, just a co-worker, a boss, a neighbor, regular patron/customer, client, fan, gimmick buddy, team mate, etc… in ways they all have opened themselves up to me, shared their thoughts and hopes and dreams. I know, and I’m aware that people come and go, and they’re in our lives for different reasons and periods of time, but much as I try my best to stay detached, and keep in my mind that fact, I still always end up wondering, at times, where they are, what they’re up to me – are they okay? I hate to think they be in pain, are they hurting? I do not have much time to spare most of the time, so texting, calling, emailing and instant messaging has been an important part of my relationships. It’s where I make my presence known. It’s how I let them know that I am here for them. 

And I wonder if they ever feel the same way. I could think of many reasons why my messages, calls, emails or IM’s aren’t returned. But I still believe that, there is always a way to stay in touch and be there, if one really wants to.  

I wonder if they do (want to). 

*******************  

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
<a href=”http://www.lyricsmania.com”>Lyrics</a>
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
- The Fray

No More

“Hi! Where are you??? Favor plz, I need you to cover for me. This Monday…you can sleep over Sunday night then we can leave togethe3r on Monday morning..please? Sige na…” 

How many times have I received this kind of text message from friends who had to sneak to some getaway with their bf/gf, often affairs that are somehow illegal? To their families at least. It’s either a boyfriend the entire universe doesn’t approve of, or a secret gay/lesbian affair. I am the one most of my friend’s families trust – the one who wouldn’t lie, the one who’s always a good influence, the one from a good family, the good student, the innocent little girl who just wouldn’t do anything remotely evil. If they only knew. 

I have “supported” my friends in the past, especially during law school when I was probably too strung out to think of a coherent answer. Their folks never checked on me anyway. But they always have the whole plot planned down to the last tiny detail. The lie that I have to tell their families just in case. It’s always that they’re staying at my place, or we’re out catching a gig or going to a club (yes I was a party girl, their parents knows it and still trusts me… maybe even trust me more than their own flesh and blood) and well all sleep over at my place. It’s always my place. 

I feel guilty, yes. But I have to admit that since I was too busy then, I often didn’t have the time to worry that much. Their families never asked me anyway. So my friends kept on their relationships, got their hearts broken, and their families never knew a thing. Now I am regretting it, because now they’re gotten addicted to that intoxicating allure of a secret getaway. That they can do anything because I am here to cover their butts.  

I can’t do it anymore. So when they do send me messages like that, I ignore the text. I don’t answer the calls. I pretend to be on vacation up north. Or way too busy. I have confronted them about it before, telling them that I do not feel the least bit good about lying and that they can’t trust me to cover for them anymore. I guess they were too blinded or caught up in their own romantic delusions that even if my words stung, (and I’m pretty harsh when I talked to them about it) they didn’t seem to mind. I ended up just raising my brow and making faces when they gave me this litany of what love can do blah blah blah. Their logic is completely flawed its head splittingly painful to listen to them. 

I do not want to be like them. Nor anyone who would ever think of lying because of, erhm, love. 

So I got that message early today and I haven’t replied to it yet. I don’t think my words matter anymore. To hell with what she thinks of me, I just don’t want to do it. No more.

let’s talk about movies, and a fun video ;-)

I am still not over 300, which happens to be the last film i saw in cinemas. Yes, i am such a loser like that, what with all the other films that came out after that. 300 just blew me away and the images are still in my head. I am definitely getting the dvd once it comes out.

Meanwhile i am excited to see the following: Shrek the 3^rd, Pirates of the Carribean 3: at world’s end, Transformers, and of course, harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix! A recent addition to the films i wanna watch si Disturbia, and only because i have heard rave reviews about it and because one of my favourite actresses Carrie-Anne Moss, is in it. Well, i will watch it if only because of C-AM, i’m that huge of a fan. I have seen posters of the film in SM malls and i can’t wait to see it, hopefully with a fellow C=AM angel, Sabine. “wink”

here is the link to the trailer for Disturbia:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pVa-oEwrjQ

anyway, has anybody seen Alanis Morissette’s vidoe parody of My Humps? Man, that one is hilarious – Alanis has a fab sense of humor. Too bad that wasn’t enough to keep Ryan Reynolds by her side. Sigh. Anyway, here is a link to the video. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZw-8RSyvh8

You’re the Sweetest One Ever…Thank You God.

In this day and age, where there are more hungry and poor people than those who can eat 3 times a day and live comfortably, where many kids are out begging on streets or working instead of going to school and living a normal childhood, where people in office call themselves politician hence making me lose my respect for them and what’s sadder is that a lot people are still fooled, where mediocrity abounds on local tv, especially on daily prime time, where people get jobs because of money and not because they want to utilize what they have studied so hard for, where cellphone and cars and branded clothing and going to hip bars define you rather than what you actually can offer an individual and citizen of this country, where a lot of people are so whitewashed they don’t know what they are anymore, where you don’t get your money’s worth and you don’t see where your taxes go, where you don’t know who your friends really are, where there are people who only remember you when they need something, where people use people – it’s hard to stay sane, and even more difficult to stay happy and positive.

Especially when you allow yourself to be swayed, when you don’t know what exactly you want, or need or deserve, or you don’t know what you believe.

It’s an everyday struggle. I can’t say i have perfected the art, or partly keeping my distance and wallowing in apathy, and at the same time caring… had it not been for the fact that, after everything that has happened, after all that i have gone through, after all these changes – i still have my faith.

And it’s enough to keep em sane and happy and positive.

Shu Uemura’s Blue Mascara, etc.

I am a complete idiot when it comes to makeup. My kit consists of a concealer, face powder, and lip gloss. I do not know how to blend blush or eye shadow. I don’t even know how to properly put on mascara. My friend Via, meanwhile, is a makeup freak. She would browse through magazines and just look at people’s makeup. She makes sure to put on a different makeup look each day at work. So, earlier, we were at Rustan’s Shangri-La, to check out what else, makeup! She was complaining about the blue mascara she recently bought, of a popular

Hollywood star endorsed brand. She said when you look at it its bright blue but once she put it on, it turns navy. She wants bright blue lashes ala Gwen Stefani! So we went to the Shu Uemura counter, and looked at what they have. We were ably assisted by their consulted, and before I knew it, I sat there with my lash being made over by the Shu Uemura girl. Via can’t try the it herself cos she still had her navy blue mascara on. So the girl curled my lashes, using this super nice lash curler, then applied the mascara – Fiber Xtension Lengthening Mascara in Aqua Blue, from over, not under the lashes, to keep the mascara from smudging, she says. And voila, my eyes are brighter, and you can really see the change! I am not kidding, it really works! Yay, I sound like an infomercial, but it does. Amazing! 

The catch, it costs almost two thousand bucks. Woot! Not quite worth it for me, since I’m no huge fan of makeup. But we walked away from the SU counter with a fresher perspective of the brand. The SU girl also graciously offered that we try the eyeshadow and blusher, Via did. And really they’re gur-reat! I guess you can still get the same effect with cheaper brands, but I think some high end products just get it, especially when it comes to the shades. We’re both very visual persons, we really look at the color impact and what it does, and we’re quite satisfied with how Shu Uemura chemistry works.  

It’s been six hours since our little SU makeover and you can still see the results, to think we already have walked from Shang to Podium to Galleria, under the sweltering heat  

So, people if you are a makeup nut and have the moolah to burn, you definitely should go for Shu Uemura.

today, i did something good.

i was about to cross the street earlier, eager to get to the other side where there is a McDonald’s, and I was cursing those racing PUV’s and cars cos I am finding it hard to maybe squeeze myself in and walk across. Yes, illegally. Even if the light still says go. Because, anyway, I walk fast and I have always managed to get myself across major streets unscathed.

 There were people who took the risk and crossed the street, despite the frantic gesticulations of the traffic aide not to. I know I could do it, but for some reasons, the midday heat and the smoke and dust and noise is making me lose y focus. So finally, when the light turned red, I started walking, alone, for nobody was to cross the street at the exact moment that it was actually okay to do so. When I reached the other side, the traffic aide said to me, loud enough for a lot f people to hear “hija, sa dalawampung tumawid, ikaw lang ang sumunod sa batas!” (Hija, of the 20 who crossed the street you’re the only one who abided by the law.). I was surprised, not expecting the comment, and abut embarrassed, because I was actually thinking of violating the law myself. So I just smiled and saluted the traffic aide, he saluted back. Then I went inside McDonald’s feeling proud of myself.

 With a silent prayer that for each traffic aide who dutifully does his job, there is a law abiding citizen who would make their day.

 And I resolved that from this day on, I won’t be pasaway anymore in crossing the street.