Dear Attorney-to-Be

Failing the bar is proving to be harder to handle than a bad breakup… 

Trust me, I know how it feels. To have labored and sacrificed a lot for the past several years…of skipped (and sometimes forgotten) meals, sleep deprived nights, yosi smoke from our sunog baga study group mates, nagging calls from loved ones who, for the nth time, we neglected to spend some quality time with…ulcer, hyperacidity, anamemia, pneumonia, migraine. All just to get ourselves ready for another three or so hours of incomparable tension as if we’re all perpetually awaiting an execution. When in fact it’s just another night of recitation, of being grilled about laws and cases. But we know it’s not just another night… we’re given an average of 30 cases to digest and study, we’ll seat ourselves in class armed with an arsenal of information, half-praying we’d get called to get things over and doen with, half-wishing against it because we’re not sure we’re ready enough. We rejoice, with a huge sigh of relief (and bottle sof booze ro celebrate afterwards) when we know we did good enough to merit at least a decent passing grade. But when we know we sucked, it’s like we want to disappear right then and there, as we doubt our self worth, and at times, contemplate suicide. Or homicide.

 Who said law school was easy? 

I cannot help feeling if I ever did well, or if ever was good enough. I wonder what I did. Or didn’t do…why did I fail? 

We’re all aware that over the years, the bar exams has been reduced to a mere licensure exam, and not a measure of how good one is. It’s all now just a matter of luck, not of brilliance.  Do you remember when we interned for this firm and we had to endure hours of headsplitting headache after reading a bunch of pleadings written by lawyers, who supposedly landed in the upper 30% of the bar? How we thought that whoever wrote them, would be better off writing for either a teleserye or a trashy chick flick? Please don’t think that failing is your karma. The thing is, you’re good, no, you’re great. I am just reminding you of those horrible pleadings to make you realize that nailing it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re good. They were simply lucky. 

So good for them.  

I do not want to sound like I’m sourgraping, but look at ________ and _______ and ___________, they practically slacked their way through law school. They don’t even digest cases. They photocopy our notes sometimes, they barely pass exams…they, I hate to say this, suck at moot court. And they passed!I know, and we lived the typical, poor, hungry, sleep deprived, sick law student life. You excelled in everything. You interned for top law firms and courts. You edited the law review. Your heart, I know, is clearly in public service. I know you wanted to pass the bar because you can’t wait to serve the people. You possess all the right and noble motivations to make it. We all wanted for you to just be there, our kickass super smart and good hearted public attorney. As much as you despised the common lawyer goals (money or power, or both) you respected those who wanted fame and fortune. You are one of those who do not want to be in public office or out in the streets to serve or make her voice heard. Why, you even turned down my offer to be running mate when I run for president in say, 20 years.  

We all truly admire your capabilities, your intentions, your idealism despite ours having vanished into thin air ages ago. Yet we cannot say others do not deserve to pass for any reason (except if they cheated…know that their vicious souls are roasting in hell right now)… you may have not nailed it the first time, but I am sure you will eventually. Because if there is anyone who is truly deserving of that license, it’s you. 

I keep myself busy so that I won’t think of it. Because God knows how hard it is not to cry each time I remember. And you know I don’t have tear glands. I don’t cry! 

It’s hard not to think of it. But know that not passing the bar now doesn’t mean you’re not good. Again, you’re great. I can’t tell you not to feel bad, but please do not ever doubt whatever it is you can do. You have a good heart, and you’re blessed with all it takes to make it. This is just one thing you should conquer, you may have failed now, but you will nail it eventually.  

Never say die, baby

Dear T

 Do not think that i am on your side. We’re great friends and i know as your friend slash surrogate sis i should be supporting you. But you yourself said, that with the many impulsive decisions you have been making for the past months, that you really deserve to eb seriously harmed physically. Just to knock some sense into your head. Maybe my martial arts skills will do.

But you know that as “feeling” Buddhist we advocate non-violence, and therefore believe that the right words can do the trick. So you have been in deep shit lately. Something happened and i never found out till a week after. Maybe i was too busy, maybe i just deplore local showbiz that much that i do not really care what goes on in it. Much as i know that eventually you’ll get yourself in deep showbiz shit i never expected it could be of this nature. Stalking? Grave threat? They have some nerve, sis. I swear.

And once more, you have amazed me with your carelessness, how could you have allowed things to just happen to you like that? I know you’re impulsive, and crazy and nasty, but you will never ever intend to inflict harm. I know how you operate, i know how you talk, i know sometimes how you feel and what goes on in your crazy head, you can be a real brat sometimes. But i know for sure you do not deserve the way you have been treated by the media, and the people who accused you. They’re all getting just one side of the story. So you have chosen to remain silent, not as an admission of guilt but to protect people that matter to you. But it is unfair that they’re all coming up with these speculations, and judging you, without even thinking that there are always two sides to a story.

I am not on your side, but i am your friend. And i am here not to cheer you on, on bitch about the people who have been the reason for your pain over the past couple of weeks. But i am here to try my best help you what to do. So it’s all legalities now. We cannot undo what has been said and done, but hopefully we can do something to clear your name.

You are not as grave as the criem you are accused of, nor are you any of the things the media perceives you to be.

blast from the effin’ past…cos i saw him today ;-p

the universal plot [2-26-05 at 5pm]

[ mood |  contemplative ] [ music | southern girl - incubus ]

He is tall, he is gorgeous, he’s got the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen (yes, pretty eyes! They are dark, almond shaped, very expressive). I think the people at Cosmo magazine would call him a hunk… oh no, he doesn’t have those scary muscles or worse, boobs! But he does have that appeal. Like a male model or something? He’s so… virile. So.. manly. Okay, I sound like I am about to devour him. I wish! But, anyway.

I do not particularly like goatees, you know? And he’s got those. Think Ethan Hawke in “Reality Bites”. He’s got this adorable half-smile, and sexy grin. He looks at me as if he’s interested in everything I have to say. He holds my hand and massages my fingers instead of telling me I must be this pampered=princess type because I have such long, bony digits, and smooth palms. No, he thinks they’re cute.

He puts up with my shit. He knows when to speak and when to shut up. That’s a fragile art. It takes a hell lot of sensitivity to be able to master that. And it seems like he already has. It is quite amazing how he’d always catch me in a foul mood and after a few moments with him, I’d be smiling again. Laughing even. He just manages to calm me down, like cold water with a few squirts of lemon on it.

I have never been with anyone like that in ages. I told him that, and he said maybe I just never gave other people the chance.

I said I am a difficult person to love. And he said, people are just not patient enough.

I said he’s too kind. He said he’s just returning the favor. I don’t remember doing him any favor. I’m a selfish bitch! He just smiled.

Sounds like a love story in the making. Yes, maybe. But I am not keeping my hopes up. Remember I have stopped expecting a long time ago? I refuse to read too much into things.

He’s not… he doesn’t belong to anyone. But he wishes to be… to be with someone who I know will never love him back. I wish I could tell him that. But right now, I cannot say anything.

I cannot blame him for being into her. She’s a good friend. She’s a great person. Beautiful inside and out. i don’t know how i knew they’re simply not for each other. i know she’s not into him, not more than a friend / someoen she works with…. one day he’ll realize that and… and then nothing. basta he will realize that. whatever.

i just had to get that out. yes, i just talked about someone who’s been occupying my thoughts for the past couple of days. after this, i expect less of those daydreams.

* He still looks great, he still thinks I’m ‘weird, but interesting…and amazing’ and he is still pining for her. Hoo boy.

Kiss Madonna and You’ll End Up with KFed (lol)

There is this strange conspiracy theory about Britney Spears, and why she has been doing the crazy things she has been doing for the past couple of months. These crazy theorists were saying that Britney has been cursed, and it was brought about by Madonna, whom she lip locked with during an MTV music awards years ago. Meaning, Madonna’s kiss caused all Brit’s misfortune, while Momma Madge has been living a straight, decent, normal life since – you know, being a mom, doing concert tours for her Confessions album and doing charity work for the kids of Malawi. While Britney married and then divorced her first hubby in less than 30hrs, then married KFed, had 2 kids in less than 2 years, separated with said husband, partied in LA and Vegas with Paris Hilton and getting caught without her undies 3 times, then was found out to have been using illegal drugs for years now, shaved her head, got a tattoo, got in and out then back to rehab. 

And it’s all because of Madonna’s supposedly cursed kiss? Wow! Theorists say that in order for the curse to be broken, Britney must kiss another girl who is in the same stature, as singer actress fashion icon…like Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Preferably someone younger. I hope it’s Hilary! Hehehe. 

But really, that is one crazy theory! The things people come up with these days! I just hope that Britney will stay in rehab and finish her sessions and start getting her act together. 

To be fair though, she still looked pretty even with a shaved head. I

SamPi, or S.Lo – The “Hawak kamay” Photo

One of the most talked about (and laughed at, viewed and downloaded) picture from last week is the one of Piolo Pascual and Sam Milby holding hands. For the uninitiated, they’re  actors/singers (?) from ABS-CBN, said to be among the hottest men the industry has today. Whatever – I don’t really buy that crap about them having the talent or being supposedly hot. I have seen Piolo around since my college days in USTwhenever he would guest on campus produced stage plays. It was my friend who had a crush on him and would like, melt whenever we would almost bump into him in the UST football field or that street leading to P. Noval. Sam Milby meanwhile, has always annoyed me since his irritating appearance on the “just a Smile” music video with Barbie Almalbis. Another friend and I would catch ourselves laughing our heads off each time we’d remember hwo horrible he was on that video. I mean, Brabie was like, so into it and quite good acting as the girl smitten with this guy (and she is so not an artista!) while Sam had this single facial expression (actually, no expression at all) that looked like he just had his entire face Botox-ed and so he just can’t move any muscle. 

Anyway, rumors had it that these two are actually hiding some secret identity in a pink closet – a common accusation hurled at supposedly really goodlooking men.   The much talked about photo of them holding hands even made it to TV Patrol World last Friday, where some reporter showed the photo to Sam, and they had a close-up of his reaction while he was looking at it, and you know what? He actually kind of loOked “kilig” (thrilled) LOL. And when asked about it, he was like “well. Eventually the truth will come out…” WTF! What kind of answer is that? That’s such a stupid showbiz answer! What truth will come out? Will they come out? Hehehehe! 

Anyway, here’s the picture. So yeah, it looks fake, photoshopped – but we can dream, can’t we? Tee hee

Postcript To The Previous Entry’s Mini-Review of Rome + Juliet:

I never said anything like “the film was horrible”. I pointed out everything that was good about it. Okay, here’s another – it is a nice film a sense that in it, women who have been through the kind of struggle the lead characters went through sort of find a “kakampi” in R+J. It is a film that sympathized with them. The film answered a lot of questions. It showcased what it really was like to be a woman inlove with another woman. Still those weren’t enough, for me, to make me really rave about it and recommend it to anyone looking to watch a great film. It is still far from being great.

The previous review is just from the point of view of a person who has been quite exposed to a lot of films and the film making process, and especially what great films really are. I am no expert, but i know what i consider to be good and worth fawning over. This one is not. For reasons already stated. I’ve gotten a lot of flak for this review, and i just hope people will see it as it is – just a review and not a personal attack to anyone who’s involved in the film. For a first time director though, this is such a brave move – to work on a film that tackles a still highly controversial theme. So kudos to that. And i am hoping that the enxt time a same-themed film is to be made, more research and a lot more attention to detail and the film’s aesthetic quality should be made. Sure, so reality isnt all bright and beautiful, but i’m talking about the editing here, okay? Where you present the blaring, painful, ugly reality in a tasteful, almost poetic way, without taking away its essence.

Maybe i am just not seeing it the way other people had, and that’s fine. But please let us not derail ourselves from the fact, that like most of you, i am simply expressing my opinion. Let’s just all respect that. I am expecting that as people who have seen R+J and considering it as brave and revolutionary, means that we’re already mature and ready to deal with such kind of social evolution. Therefore, we should also accept the fact that not everyone will agree with us and think the same.

Nevertheless, i appreciate your two cents.

A Reward and A Disappointment

I finally got my Starbucks 2007 planner today! Woot! Danke shon to Via, Ivy and everyone else who contributed to the sticker card. I am so excited cos I am planning to totally personalize my planner. It’s my first time to have one, and I’m planning to make it some sort of a thing to capture and preserve moments, thoughts, feelings through words. Yeah, like a good ole journal. I like  the classic look, with ist leather cover and all. Not a fan of spring binders, and the photos inside aren’t as spiffy and creative as last year’s. but it’s a nice planner with big enough spaces to write whatever on. Here’s is the planner before I cut and paste and paint stuff on it.

 

  

I will post pictures of my personalized planner once I’m done.  

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 I saw Rome + Juliet on its last day of screening at Indie Sine in Robinsons’ Movieworld yesterday. I have heard about it from friend who are either film geeks like me or film makers. From them I got mixed reviews. It is lauded for being brave and “revolutionary” as it presented an issue which is still somehow considered taboo among hardcore conservatives – that of a romance between two women. Yes, the L word Philippine setting.  

People were kind of expecting that I will have a glowing review of the film, but..sorry to disappoint but I didn’t like it very much. There isn’t anything very striking about it, not much impact, nothing to really fawn over…well, there are two good things about this film: 1. Mylene Dizon… she is sooo gorgeous! Talk about Hot Mama1 2. the cast, which was made up of very good actors, especially the women. Mylene is great. So was Andrea del Rosario, and Tessie Tomas – amazing!  

So why didn’t I like the film so much? Let me count the reasons: